in the meantime

As I'm packing up to leave home for the summer, I realize how much "stuff" I have. This isn't a new realization I'm having, since about 5 weeks ago I was trapped in a vision of cardboard boxes in my apartment. I find it a bit stupid of me that I'm so aware of the physical luggage that crowds my life, but I ignore the emotional and spiritual suitcases I lug around from day to day.

Two summers ago I read the book, "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. That book gave me a lot of insight on what it means to have baggage in your life. Sometimes I find myself holding on to things that I shouldn't be. These burdens I carry are things that I can't be free from on my own. Instead of coming to Christ with my worrys and problems, I take it upon myself to try to deal with it because "I can do it better myself."


I can't say that sometimes I get scared that if I completely surrender my life to God He will somehow dissappoint me. Just like others that I've trusted and have failed me, I put God in the same category. Is it too much for me to believe that there is a caring God somewhere out in the universe? Sometimes I think it is. Maybe I'm being bold for admitting this or just reveiling my lack of faith, but I find it hard to believe that I'm the only one with these trust issues.

Being a very self aware individual sometimes depresses me. I'm very aware of my shortcomings and failures. I'm aware that I'm not the best friend, daughter, or person I could be. Despite all of this I begin to see that my only hope is putting my luggage aside and trusting in who God says He is.