in the meantime

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Finally, a change of scenery. I must admit that this point in the year makes me want to school done and over with. But, I know that when May rolls around that feeling will disappear under the tears. The past few weeks have been full of pressure from all different sides. I've been trying to figure out what's going on with my life after I graduate. It's definitely a lot harder to do than I thought.

Tonight, I'm basking in the here and now. The peace and tranquility of break. Fun in the car tomorrow with the music blasting. Going into Philly during the week. Spring break is just the thing I have been needing.

I want the most out of something. I realized that while making popcorn this afternoon. At the risk of the early poppers, I keep cooking the popcorn until I sense that almost every kernel is popped. Sometimes that means some burning, though I try extremely hard to avoid that. In essence, I want perfection, all the kernels popped in all their buttery goodness.

I suppose I think this way in all the other areas of my life as well.

Sometimes I wish I was 5 years old again so I could kick and scream and it would be somewhat socially acceptable.

Valentine's Day is just one of those days of the year where you notice that everyone including the birds are paired in two's. That somehow you are there feeling kind of odd as you're trying your best to not feel bad when the people at potluck are asking about your plans for the evening. But, today God revealed to me the most beautiful thing.

After church Bekah, Lorrie, and I headed over to Patten to do a bible study with Sally. Somehow whenever I go to Patten it just makes my heart smile. I love seeing every one as we walk in, and I wish constantly that I had time to sit and talk with each one of them. The man at the desk wished us a Happy Valentine's Day as we bonded over our singleness and proceeded to go up to the 11th floor.

Our bible studies with Sally have been kind of up and down for us, mostly because we don't know how much she is getting out of the study. Now, I am no expert on Revelation. Honestly, that book is so foreign to me that I dare not try to explain it unless I got the commentary next to me the whole time. But, Sally asked us if we could study it with her since she's tried to read it and doesn't understand. In my mind I welcomed her to the club, but I knew that the Holy Spirit will use willing vessels. So, with my lack of knowledge I tried to be confident in faith knowing that God will help her hear what needs to be heard and that my limited knowledge will be enhanced somehow.

This week we were on Revelation chapter 5 about the scroll and the lamb. As we were reading and explaining things, I was so full of joy. We were talking about Jesus and how He was the lamb that was slain for our sins and by His blood we are saved. Then Sally commented, "He's done so much for us. All the pain and suffering...I couldn't do it." As I sat on her bed in her smoke filled room I wanted to cry. This is real love. That Christ died for me to save me from this body of death. Sally understood and so did I.

As we left her room and went down to the lobby we met up with a familiar face that I haven't seen in a while. Meryl greeted us with hugs and wanted us to come up to his room. We talked with him for a while about life and such. He would casually mention how lonely it is sometimes without people coming by to visit. We told him we would stop by next week to see him again. After about twenty minutes we left his room and made our way back to the elevators. One of Meryl's neighbors saw the bible I was holding in my hand and asked me to read a verse. I started frantically looking for a verse as papers were spilling out of my bible. Then I knew exactly what I needed to share, I turned to Romans 5: 6-8 and started to read. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us." I concluded. Meryl turned and said, "That is so true." as his neighbor asked me what verse I read.

Love isn't meant to be taken, but given. Sure maybe sometimes I want to feel special, but nothing made me feel more whole than sharing the love I have for my Savior with my friends at Patten. So let the birds fly in their pairs, and the girls get their roses. But, God has given me so much more today as I remember what love really means.

Well I guess it's time to face life post-Southern.


1)Florida Hospital
2)Boston Health care for the Homeless
3)Loma Linda University Medical Center
4)Children's Hospital of Denver
5)THE WORLD :)

I have stones in my soil. Stones of distrust, selfishness, and disobedience. These stones have been in my garden for a long time. I think back to my childhood and see how these little pebbles grew into the boulders they are today.

Why is it so hard to let God throw these rocks away? I've never been without these things. Maybe deep down I'm afraid that God can't remove these boulders out of my life. That I'll be disappointed to learn that it's too much for God to do that for me.

I've been thinking a lot since I heard Wintley Phipps talk about love being the foundation for church growth. I want revival. Not just for Southern, but for me. I want to be willing to be in one accord with my brothers and sisters. I want to be in one heart and mind with those around me, and when we pray the ground shakes and we're filled with the Holy Spirit.

I've been reading Acts for devotions lately. A couple years back when we studied Acts in Sabbath School, I was so awestruck at the power of what God can do through us. Now reading it again, it's more inspiring yet challenging. I find myself wondering, "Can this really happen today?". Sometimes I feel like God speaks and His words fall on deaf ears, especially mine.

I look at the ground of my heart and see the weeds and rocks. The soil is hard. But as I was reading this morning my eyes fixed on this:

He is " 'the stone you builders rejected which has become the capstone.' "
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven
given to men by which we must be saved.-- Acts 4: 11,12

There is a stone in my garden that will crush all the others. The one I've rejected to see the power, strength, love, and grace it holds. It's time for Him to do the gardening.