in the meantime

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Finally, a change of scenery. I must admit that this point in the year makes me want to school done and over with. But, I know that when May rolls around that feeling will disappear under the tears. The past few weeks have been full of pressure from all different sides. I've been trying to figure out what's going on with my life after I graduate. It's definitely a lot harder to do than I thought.

Tonight, I'm basking in the here and now. The peace and tranquility of break. Fun in the car tomorrow with the music blasting. Going into Philly during the week. Spring break is just the thing I have been needing.

I want the most out of something. I realized that while making popcorn this afternoon. At the risk of the early poppers, I keep cooking the popcorn until I sense that almost every kernel is popped. Sometimes that means some burning, though I try extremely hard to avoid that. In essence, I want perfection, all the kernels popped in all their buttery goodness.

I suppose I think this way in all the other areas of my life as well.

Sometimes I wish I was 5 years old again so I could kick and scream and it would be somewhat socially acceptable.

Valentine's Day is just one of those days of the year where you notice that everyone including the birds are paired in two's. That somehow you are there feeling kind of odd as you're trying your best to not feel bad when the people at potluck are asking about your plans for the evening. But, today God revealed to me the most beautiful thing.

After church Bekah, Lorrie, and I headed over to Patten to do a bible study with Sally. Somehow whenever I go to Patten it just makes my heart smile. I love seeing every one as we walk in, and I wish constantly that I had time to sit and talk with each one of them. The man at the desk wished us a Happy Valentine's Day as we bonded over our singleness and proceeded to go up to the 11th floor.

Our bible studies with Sally have been kind of up and down for us, mostly because we don't know how much she is getting out of the study. Now, I am no expert on Revelation. Honestly, that book is so foreign to me that I dare not try to explain it unless I got the commentary next to me the whole time. But, Sally asked us if we could study it with her since she's tried to read it and doesn't understand. In my mind I welcomed her to the club, but I knew that the Holy Spirit will use willing vessels. So, with my lack of knowledge I tried to be confident in faith knowing that God will help her hear what needs to be heard and that my limited knowledge will be enhanced somehow.

This week we were on Revelation chapter 5 about the scroll and the lamb. As we were reading and explaining things, I was so full of joy. We were talking about Jesus and how He was the lamb that was slain for our sins and by His blood we are saved. Then Sally commented, "He's done so much for us. All the pain and suffering...I couldn't do it." As I sat on her bed in her smoke filled room I wanted to cry. This is real love. That Christ died for me to save me from this body of death. Sally understood and so did I.

As we left her room and went down to the lobby we met up with a familiar face that I haven't seen in a while. Meryl greeted us with hugs and wanted us to come up to his room. We talked with him for a while about life and such. He would casually mention how lonely it is sometimes without people coming by to visit. We told him we would stop by next week to see him again. After about twenty minutes we left his room and made our way back to the elevators. One of Meryl's neighbors saw the bible I was holding in my hand and asked me to read a verse. I started frantically looking for a verse as papers were spilling out of my bible. Then I knew exactly what I needed to share, I turned to Romans 5: 6-8 and started to read. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us." I concluded. Meryl turned and said, "That is so true." as his neighbor asked me what verse I read.

Love isn't meant to be taken, but given. Sure maybe sometimes I want to feel special, but nothing made me feel more whole than sharing the love I have for my Savior with my friends at Patten. So let the birds fly in their pairs, and the girls get their roses. But, God has given me so much more today as I remember what love really means.

Well I guess it's time to face life post-Southern.


1)Florida Hospital
2)Boston Health care for the Homeless
3)Loma Linda University Medical Center
4)Children's Hospital of Denver
5)THE WORLD :)

I have stones in my soil. Stones of distrust, selfishness, and disobedience. These stones have been in my garden for a long time. I think back to my childhood and see how these little pebbles grew into the boulders they are today.

Why is it so hard to let God throw these rocks away? I've never been without these things. Maybe deep down I'm afraid that God can't remove these boulders out of my life. That I'll be disappointed to learn that it's too much for God to do that for me.

I've been thinking a lot since I heard Wintley Phipps talk about love being the foundation for church growth. I want revival. Not just for Southern, but for me. I want to be willing to be in one accord with my brothers and sisters. I want to be in one heart and mind with those around me, and when we pray the ground shakes and we're filled with the Holy Spirit.

I've been reading Acts for devotions lately. A couple years back when we studied Acts in Sabbath School, I was so awestruck at the power of what God can do through us. Now reading it again, it's more inspiring yet challenging. I find myself wondering, "Can this really happen today?". Sometimes I feel like God speaks and His words fall on deaf ears, especially mine.

I look at the ground of my heart and see the weeds and rocks. The soil is hard. But as I was reading this morning my eyes fixed on this:

He is " 'the stone you builders rejected which has become the capstone.' "
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven
given to men by which we must be saved.-- Acts 4: 11,12

There is a stone in my garden that will crush all the others. The one I've rejected to see the power, strength, love, and grace it holds. It's time for Him to do the gardening.

I don't think many people would disagree that relationships are difficult. Somehow we find ourselves in these relationships confused as to what is going on in these deep, dark waters.

In research class we've been learning about different types of research studies. One aspect of research I found very applicable to relationships was a term called causality. Causality is a term used to desc ribe the relationship between a cause and its effect. So, the independent variable has a certain effect on the dependent variable. Now, in some cases researchers use probability to determine how likely (x) will effect (y) in a certain way. Then, the sticky stuff happens. See sometimes life gets complicated and there are more than one cause that is influencing the effect, which is known as multicausality. This should be taken into consideration as researchers analyze how (x) effects (y) because there can be other (x)'s effecting (y) and it may not have anything to do with the original (x).

My research teacher says we do research every day. I think this may be true when we interact with people. We determine the probability of getting a certain reaction if we do a certain thing for someone. But, when the response isn't what we anticipated we get disappointed. Then maybe we start rationalizing that perhaps the person was having a bad day, tired, stressed, etc. and maybe it wasn't me that they were negatively reacting to.

But, then the thought comes to mind. What if it was me they were reacting to?

Perhaps as much as we focus on others effect on us, we should think about our effect on others. When we do have a bad day, act cold towards someone, or don't say hi as we pass by people, are we influencing others in a negative way?

Some people would probably argue with me that as long as we have good intentions then we aren't responsible for how people take us. But, I believe Christ has a better way. His influence enveloped those in His presence and pointed them to the Father. No matter the circumstance, Christ was consistently putting others in the forefront of His mind.

So, maybe you can ask yourself this question the next time you interact with a stranger or a friend, What is my effect on others?

So, for the past few weeks my mind was very focused on working on my testimony. Mostly because it was probably the most fearful experience of my life, but God truly worked a miracle in a huge way. It's amazing how the Holy Spirit just gives you a calm demeanor even though on the inside you're trembling like a leaf.I feel so honored to have had the opportunity to share with so many people what God has done for me.

But, now that the week is over, it's back to life. The tests, quizzes, homework, papers, and stress. Like a tidal wave last night came the uncertainty of the future. I don't know what God is leading me to do after graduation. I'm sure most people would think "Well if you're doing nursing then be a nurse..." but I've never been one for the whole Hospital nursing bit. I really want to help people and not just physically. So, as thoughts are scrambling in my mind about what my purpose is etc. I realized something.

Last week I shared with Southern the darkest parts of my past. Things I never thought I'd be able to share with more than 5 people. My purpose in life is to testify every day of God's love for sinners like me. Maybe I don't know the answers to the big questions in life, but I do know the God who has led me this far. Like a good Father I know He'll hold my hand through it all.

How much of the sermon is for the preacher? I have to say that while working on my testimony for Week of Prayer I've been challenged in ways that I wasn't expecting. Many people think that sharing your testimony isn't that hard, I mean it's your story right? That's the problem. It's my story, a story that I can't hide behind and say it wasn't me who made all those mistakes and bad choices. But as I look at my testimony, I see very clearly that I owe my salvation to my savior. The one who died for me while I was yet still a sinner.

What's your testimony?

1. philadelphia:

"Philadelphia isn't just a city that lies between the shadows of New York and Washington, it is a city where the Eagles are the topic of dinner conversation year round. It is where a meal consists of a cheesesteak, Natty light, soft pretzels,
and Tasty Kakes for dessert. It is where there is a Wawa on every corner, and you look forward to the 1st day of Spring when Rita's gives out free "wooder" ice. It is where you know it's a hoagie, not a sub and the shore, not the beach. Most importantly, where everyone is brothers and it is ok to say hello to someone you don't know if they are a birds fan. That is Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love... Outsiders will never understand."


After going to Southern for 4 1/2 years and working on my pronunciation of water, I have to say that you can't take the city out of the girl. It's been nice to be back home and enjoy the Eagles beating the Cowboys :)