in the meantime

"Hope has been set before us, even the hope of eternal life. Nothing short of this blessing for us will satisfy our Redeemer, but it is our part to lay hold upon this hope by faith in Him who has promised. We may expect to suffer, for it is those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings who shall be partakers with Him in His glory. He has purchased forgiveness and immortality for the sinful, perishing souls of men, but it is our part to receive these gifts by faith. Believing in Him, we have this hope as an anchor of the soul, sure and steadfast. We are to understand that we may confidently expect God's favor not only in this world but in the heavenly world, since He paid such a price for our salvation. Faith in the atonement and intercession of Christ will keep us steadfast and immovable amid the temptations that press upon us in the church militant. Let us contemplate the glorious hope that is set before us, and by faith lay hold upon it. . . . "-- EGW, "That I may Know Him", p79

So, tonight I've been trying to focus on studying for tomorrow's Patho test and prepare for my Transition's presentation. But, instead I've been doing EVERYTHING I can do to avoid actually sitting down and doing it. I've been knitting, talking on the phone, chatting on Gmail, went for a run, payed my bills, and the list goes on.

Sometimes I make the excuse that I'm easily distracted...especially with God. When God wants me to sit down and talk to Him, I usually find myself running around in a thousand different directions. Finally, after I exhaust myself, I say a quick prayer before falling into my deep coma for the night.

What if I actually made time, not just in the morning, but all day long for God? What if my day actually revolved around Him instead of myself?

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand beneath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them wash away
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the one One Who's faithful to me

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly
For a faith to be faithful to me
Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One Who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the only One Who's faithful to me --Jennifer Knapp "Faithful to Me"

Lord forgive me for being a foolish woman. Forgive me for putting worthless things on your Holy throne of my heart. Change my ways, Lord. Free me from the mud and the mire that has me stuck in my selfishness. Teach me how to be obedient to your will and faithful to your cause.

There are many things I've buried in my heart that have kept me from living life more abundantly. The invitation of Christ has called me so many times, but my doubt keeps me away. I'm afraid to trust. Just like Eve in the garden, I believe that God is holding out on me. That He doesn't want to give me the desires of my heart. The lie that I can do it better myself has left me bitter and unsatisfied. I'm wounded by a world that has taken my heart and crushed it to pieces. As a mourn over what I've lost, I'm determined to never let that happen again. But, the harder my heart is the more it breaks when it is carelessly dropped. So, today I prayed and I asked God to teach me how to trust Him. His response was, "Recite your memory verse". Tears came to my eyes as I said:

Isaiah 53:5
"But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

Praise be to the One who is able to transform us and make us whole.

When I study the life of Christ, I realize that Jesus gave His whole life towards the salvation of Humans. Not only in His death, but in His day to day life. He had a love for humanity that brought tears to His eyes and empathy in His heart.

As I study the life of Christ I wonder to myself, Where is Jesus today? Do I love humanity like that?

Let's stop judging and start loving...real love. Christ's love. Only He is able to establish this in our hearts. Let's pray that the Holy Spirit teaches us how to love the unlovable, care for the needy, and sacrifice our lives in service to our Lord.

We're well into Midterm break and oh the fun I've been having. This break has been a breath of fresh air. We went to Gatlinburg yesterday and I must say that it was a blast.

Car Ride: We drove forever in the horrible traffic, took some detours, made gospel rap remixes of our favorite camp songs. I definitely think the best part of the journey is getting there and back.


Pigeon Forge:
We then got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Our spirits were declinging and then we hear "Vroom Vroom". We look over to find an overweight guy with a cigerette reving his engine at us in his flame PT cruiser. Gross.




We decided we needed food and a bathroom so we went to Pizza Hut. It took me back to the days in Placid. We ate a pizza buffet. We saw the traffic was dieing down so we thought this was our opportunity to go. But, first Bekah needed to fill her tires.

Did we make it to Gatlingburg? Yes, but the story will continue...

Many people when they first find out that I'm an only child they ask this question, "Weren't you lonely?" Honestly, growing up I never felt alone. It was a way of life. I just played by myself or my mom and I would play dolls or dad and I would go to the park. Being an only never bothered me...until now.

Now, I'm not talking about being an only child, but I am talking about being an only woman. How can you kill an desire that has been put inside of you to find an earthly companion? Sometimes, I think it's silly to want to meet someone so badly. I often try to tell myself, "Come on Jackie, you don't need a man." But, at the end of the day it would be nice to have someone who is there for you.

I am completely in love with my savior Jesus Christ. I'm so thankful and happy to know and grow in a relationship with Him. I also have wonderful friends that keep me company. But, I just wish I could share that love with someone who also loves me in a way that's different. As time continues on, so does the wait. The Lord is teaching me patience I suppose.