in the meantime

As he stared at me tears rolled down my cheeks. He tried to be rational with me telling me that He would try everything he could to save my ovary, but all I could do was cry. I didn't really cry out of regret or fear, I mostly cried because I felt so helpless. The nurse became the patient.

All my life I've struggled with the fear of losing control. Through the fight with self, Jesus conquered that part of my life. But, while I was laying on a stretcher going through all the coulda, shoulda, woulda's in my head I realized, I have never had control.

My surgeon was the same doctor who told me four months ago that I would be fine and that it would go away on its own. He misdiagnosed me and cost me a lot of pain. But, as I look back on this semester, I'm glad he was wrong. I would never want to take away the experience of finding my way back to Jesus. Satan tempted me as I laid on that stretcher to doubt God's leading and blame a Doctor for his mistakes. In my mind I said a prayer, "God, I have no regrets. You got this."