in the meantime

31 August 2008

Please be near me, Lord.

Bringing up boxes, putting together furniture, running into familiar faces, and missing old ones. That's been my life for the past 4 days.

God has an interesting way of doing things. Last week I wasn't sure whether or not I would be able to come back to Southern. Now, I'm here and it's somewhat overwhelming. Being back here brings back so many memories, but the past doesn't comfort the changes going on around me.

Despite all my fears, I'm extremely thankful for my amazing friends that make me laugh and help me to remember what I love about Southern the most.

This year I know the challenges will be big, but God is bigger. I'm not alone.

23 August 2008

Soon we must make the choice between what is right and what is easy.

1 comments Posted by Jackie at 9:48 PM

Well, this is definitely what I didn't have in mind when I thought about the end of summer.

For those of you who don't know, I spent 6 hours in the Emergency Room in Virginia on Thursday. I had the most unbearable pain in my life, so after ultrasounds and failed attempts at IV's they felt I needed to go see my doctor at home. So, the next morning I was off to Pennsylvania again. The nice thing is they gave me some lovely pain meds so I'm not hurting as much.

This experience has been very frustrating. Especially because I don't know how long it will take for them to fix what's wrong with me. With the light at the end of the tunnel with school, I just don't want to add on another semester all because of this. So, things are running through my head constantly as I sit at home waiting for something to happen. I'm trying to remain optimistic, but it's hard.

"In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. "The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet." The clouds are a sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow and bereavement and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near without clouds, He does not come in clear shining."--My Utmost for His Highest

20 August 2008

Quiero ser tu heroe

1 comments Posted by Jackie at 7:17 PM

A travel update:

I'm now at a hotel in Virginia. This is the same hotel I stayed at that apparently entered my name in a Vacation drawing that I "won". I never claimed my prize of a deluxe vacation of my choice due to the lack of evidence of its validity. So, instead of flying to Hawaii for a week, I'm driving down to Southern.

The drive hasn't been too bad. I started feeling sick about half way through Virginia. Let me tell you, it's pretty rotten to have GI issues while you're driving. Have you ever bought pepto bismol at a gas station? The cashier gave me a brown paper bag to put it in, like she was trying to protect me from embarrassment. But, I wasn't ashamed, I was feeling too ill to care whether people saw me buying the pink miracle worker. I would've kissed it and recite a love poem about it if I had the energy to. The drive is a killer without feeling sick. So, when my stomach contents reared it's ugly head, I was ready for battle.

I will say it fought valiantly for me, and I'm not feeling a little less awful. My hero.

18 August 2008

You got a whistle in your head...

3 comments Posted by Jackie at 4:31 PM

In honor of the end of summer I have compiled a list of my top 10 memories:

10. Katie trying to convince AJ that lighting a campfire with gunpowder is a good idea.

9. Salty the matted cat.

8. Musical Tuesday.

7. Ask the Lord for rain, in the time of the latter rain... I love campmeeting!

6. Capture the Flag (How many times did my team win against AJ? I lost count.)

5. "Have you seen my rocket ship?"--Chris Block

4. Breakfast by the Lake courtesy of the Gallant Gentleman of Cherokee.

3. SDing with my best friends ;)

2. "She said her name was Harriet Tubman..."

1. Indian Skit: "Are you saying we must be friends with the white man?"--White Fawn

Oh what fun times! This brought a big smile to my face.

13 August 2008

The Portrait of an Me: The INFJ

2 comments Posted by Jackie at 10:27 PM

"Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche"--http://typelogic.com/infj.html

The nutshell.

11 August 2008

For those of you who thought I was leaving the country...

1 comments Posted by Jackie at 4:22 PM

God has other plans for us than we have for ourselves. Most people that I've seen or talked to this summer know that I'm not leaving as an SM this next year. It's funny how God works sometimes. My heart was set on leaving next year and honestly it was set on leaving because of my own reasons.

Last year I probably had the worst moments of my life. I thought about so many ways I could escape how I was feeling. My depression consumed me and my thoughts constantly. I thought that maybe if I could physically leave then so would my depression. Of course deciding to be a missionary was a decision most people supported so I felt like I was doing a good thing. Even though I didn't really pray that much about it, I rationalized that missionary work is for God therefore God would be ok with it.

Once school ended in May, I decided to really pray about things because I was feeling a lot of turmoil in my heart. I asked God to give me a sign and I received my answer, I wasn't supposed to go. I tried to fight it in my mind considering that I made this huge committment in front of Southern to go. But, all of that melted away when I thought about the fact that God has the best in mind for me.

You see, many times we often want to live OUR lives the way WE want to. I often think that I have possession over my life, which is not the case at all. I don't want give God a say in my plans. But once we surrender to God, He sends us to the place that we can glorify His name the most. So, though a huge part of me doesn't want to go back to Southern, I know God has things in store for me that I don't see right now.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth,So are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

--Isa. 55:8-9

10 August 2008

Who are we?

1 comments Posted by Jackie at 1:28 PM

Over the past few months the subject of what is means to be an Adventist has been brought up in conversation. I would listen as many people debated over different aspects of Adventism. These conversations have been playing over in my mind and it really has gotten me thinking about many things about our church. I grew up with a predominately Catholic background with some Protestant church hopping mixed in. So to me, figuring out what makes a church the "right" church was something that I wrestled with for years.

The claims made by Adventism isn't something we can negotiate. We either are the remnant church that has the gospel truth or we aren't. Period. There is no maybes or inbetweens with that. So, why do we occupy ourselves with silly arguments about Adventism's place in post modernism when people are dying for a hope that we have been privileged to know?

I think many times we occupy ourselves with what our mission is that we lose focus on our identity in Christ. We forget that the sole purpose of ministry is to share with others the relationship we have with our Savior. Our acts of saving lives and helping others is meaningless if God's name isn't glorified. Sure, many people in the world do good things, but many people in the world don't know who Jesus Christ is. If all we are doing is showing that Adventists are nice people, then we aren't spreading the Gospel.

We need to stop focusing on ourselves and start looking to Jesus Christ.